I am pretty sure the bestselling books are about ways you can find or persuade love. The recipes for happiness, the place you can find the ONE, how to get him or her back or even a few spells that you can cast. These are all on the internet or at least in a few books buried in the libraries. Nowadays, the trend is with books that help you become your own shrink, to read about who you are and how to find yourself as if you are somehow a lost puppy and someone should call the fire department to bring you back.
Truth is there is no general recipe that you can follow, no 10-step program that you need to take, and even therapy can only help you find what you already know. No book, no conference, no show, no friend can help you with this matter, you are all alone in it and you are the only hero that can save yourself. Scared yet? You shouldn’t be, welcome to adulthood, it’s horrible, but you’ll learn to love it.
I cannot tell you how to do it, but I can tell you how I did it. By giving me time to discover who I am and what I like, by going on random dates with all sorts of people to learn who I want by my side and what are the deal-breakers. By dancing the night away in a fancy, hippy or rocker clubs. By not leaving my apartment for a full weekend and surviving on frozen pizza. By crying myself to sleep while holding my cat. By being heartbroken when I saw my crush holding hands with another woman. By driving until the gas runs out. By dancing alone in my house, with the music at full volume until the neighbors complained. By looking at a comedy and laughing with tears. By reading, by traveling, by living!
When I less expected, I realized that I am independent and that I can take care of myself. I am no longer afraid of putting gas in my car or taking it in for service. I am not scared of falling in love and getting hurt, I survived this already a couple of times so I will do it again if needed. That I am sometimes happy and sometimes sad, but most of the time OK. And so it happened, I found who I was, a random soul on a random planet, among other random people, living the life that I want, no boundaries, no rules.
As for love, I found that there is no “the one”, I found a couple of “ones”, each at the right time and place. Sometimes it was intense love, other times it was peaceful. Sometimes it was me who loved harder, other times it was the other way around. I got dumped and I also found myself leaving. I was cheated and I cheated, even if just with a kiss.
Some of us are lucky enough never to go through this, but unfortunately, most of us will have to. But only to add this to our life story. So you will find love a couple of times if you decide to take the risk. Each type of love will be unique and will bring happiness in its own way. The only constant that has to be is the ability to move forward and evolve. The rest is marketing!