If you are over 16 and have a boyfriend over 16 (preferably), then most likely you both have some skeletons in your closet a.k.a exes. But what is it about our past that keeps us so wired to it? And why do we see it as such a threat to the future?
It is hard to imagine your loved one with somebody else, to know that all the words and kisses that you are receiving now, were offered to someone other than yourself with the same intensity. We all want our story to be epic and the idea that this had already happened with someone from the past is not exactly thrilling. But this is not what keeps most of us up at night, but the possibility of the feelings that might still be there, waiting for them to be rebirthed.
To better understand the phenomenon, you must first think about your ex. Although you are no longer in love with him/her, there is some sort of feeling left there, clearly, there were at least a couple of good things that happened between you two, intimacy, friendship etc. Now they are with someone else and odds are that you are not finding that new person your best friend. Even in this situation, if you are really over them and you are committed to your current partner, then you have no intentions of going back. So the real question is whether you are both really in this together 100%.
Sometimes, unintentionally we compare ourselves with our exes new girlfriends just as we compare ourselves with the ex of our current partner. But what is actually making us worry?
If for our past boyfriends/girlfriends, we like to think we were the best thing that ever happened to them and selfishly we wouldn’t want to be forgotten. With our current partners, the situation is very different. We want to know that there are no feelings left between them and the partners from their past. We want to be sure we are the upgrade and be 100% sure they are not even thinking about going back to them. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee for any of these but the trust we should have in our SO.
Jealousy is a normal and human feeling as long as it is kept in boundaries and it is not developing into an obsession. In the end, the “problem” that we have with the exes is in between the partners. If there are doubts between the two, then it will be enough space for an external person to enter, new or old.
Whenever you are in doubt, remember that they are not in the present for a reason and that the best person for you and your loved one is clearly the one from the current day. Let go of the fears, competition, and jealousy. Learn to enjoy the current moment, the rest is history!