Years ago, when our parents were teenagers, the path of their life seemed to be all set: they were single until high school, sometimes even college, then they would meet someone, date for a short period of time, usually under a year, and get married. Not long after they would have kids and be considered accomplished. Or at least that was what “society” thought, happiness can only be achieved by having a house, spouse, and kids. Modern times come with a completely different view of this matter and, IMO, a variety of means you can use to find happiness, not depended on your relationship status.
If for some of us the “old” fashioned way still represents the path to nirvana, for others happiness cannot be found there, but rather in having a career, our own business, traveling to see the world, expressing oneself through art, hobbies, having a healthy lifestyle or by being free of commitment, only to enumerate a few.
But what happens to the ones that want a relationship, but haven’t yet met “the one”? How can they find happiness? Is it even possible to be alone & happy?
My answer is yes, you can definitely be happy even though you are single! It is indeed a different kind of happiness, one that you will never find when you are committed to someone else. Furthermore, without having achieved that balance, you will not be able to find joy in a healthy relationship, since you will be dependent on your partner for your own happiness.
There is a romantic myth that says that you need to find your other half, that you are not complete without your significant other. One that has been passed down from one generation to another and only added to the frustration of the youngsters. In the communist era, the population was somehow encouraged to have as many kids as possible, even though there was not enough food. But the regime needed people to work, they needed an army of slaves to keep the country going further, so these ideas of HAVING to be married with kids were found at all corners. In most of the countries, the communists are now gone but the need for lots of medium-class workers is still present and also the idea of having to be part of a pattern.
In the years that I was single, I found many ways of achieving happiness and even though I was sometimes feeling lonely. I learned a lot about myself and about what I can do on my own in order to feel cheerfuller. The first lesson was that I can survive to live alone, I don’t have to depend on anyone and I can take care of myself. Self-sufficiency gave me a lot of power and I loved the evenings when I would get home from work, cooked something while listening to music, had a relaxing bath with a glass of wine and pet my adorable cat while watching a movie. I learned that I don’t need another person to fix stuff around the house or for traveling to a foreign country.
Another good part of being single is that you get to pick up and date a lot of random people. You learn a lot about what are you seeking in a partner and what are the deal-breakers. In that period I defined myself as an adult and as a woman, I developed principles about what I want in life, but most importantly I learned to enjoy the present moment.
Now I am in a happy relationship I hope will last for a long period of time, but if anything happens along the way, I know that I can always rely on myself to be happy and to start it all over again. Happiness is not a destination and it will not be “achieved” when we encounter “the one”, it is not a “happy ending”, but is a lifestyle that you choose every day and even in the darkest times, when you feel lonely and not lovable, you need to remember that you are capable of being happy on your own.
I will not try to lie to you, there were many times when I just lingered for someone to cuddle, for someone to hold me in his arm and tell everything will be ok, but when those moments were coming I had some amazing friends to light up up my mood. Only by having a positive attitude you can attract the right type of people and you should always try to be the type of person you would like to fall in love with.