The Nice Guy Myth

Remember when Miranda from Sex & The City said that the ugly guys will treat you just as poorly as the pretty ones? I couldn’t agree more! Unfortunately, this can also be applied to the nice guys that surround us.

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Before I dig into this, I want to create the profile of the nice guy. Who is this guy? And how can we tell him apart? The characteristic would be as follows: an inexperienced lover, the friend zone candidate, harmless when it comes to women, not the playboy looking kind-of-guy, not much confidence in his looks, the IT guy – by now you should have at least one name mind.

But is this type of man really harmless? Is he the Ross of the story? And let’s not forget that even Ross cheated on Rachel when “they were on a break”. Every once in a while I read or hear of the relationship material man that is often described as the guy next door, the nice guy that will bring you flowers and so on. But is this mythical creature living among the humans? Or is he in the elf’s world?

As a woman that is living and working among IT guys, I have to say I am pretty impressed with there skills. Statistically speaking, the guys that work in the IT industry are very much likely to cheat on their significant other. I can guarantee you that those numbers are correct, after a couple of team buildings in corporations I found out that even the nicest one can become an a*shole, especially when there is alcohol involved. And yes, most of them look like Dexter (from Dexter’s Laboratory – of course), yet that is not stopping them.

So what makes them go from the cute puppies to the wild wolves? Well, you could have guessed: women! A while ago when I was in my single years, I started to receive a lot of attention from one of my dork-is colleagues. He was not the type of guy with whom I would normally go out, but I thought I could give it a try, even if I was breaking one of my golden rules: NEVER DATE AT WORK. He was very indecisive, we would talk for hours on the phone, but he wasn’t so fond of really going out with me, he would talk a lot about our future, but we weren’t actually seeing each other much. After a while he got to me, I am not sure what was it about him, but I ended up getting a few dates out of him. Although I was clearly out of his league, he ended up telling me that he is not sure if he should stop at only going out with me, if he can be with me, maybe he could be with more like me. You can imagine the shock I got when I received that message! He was the only guy that I actually begged him not to break up with me, a mistake that I will never make again! We ended up things even before we started, but even now when he is serious with someone else, he still texts me from time to time “just to see how I am doing”.

Leaving the guard down only because someone looks safe is not a good idea. It took me a while to recover from my hurt ego, more than from my broken heart, but I learned that when it comes to humans, the nice guy will always be that invented character that is dancing along with those happy tampon commercials girls in white pants.

2 thoughts on “The Nice Guy Myth

  1. Andrew

    You should watch less of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and other TV-shows and maybe spend more time in the real life. As a man, I can tell you the main reason guys act like a**holes: bitchy women. A woman can make a man feel like crap and destroy him as easily as you say a man can “broke” a woman. And that creates a circular scenario. You resolve nothing if you blame the others. It is better to analyse yourself first.


    1. As a real man you should not make a victim out of yourself, an a*shole is just an a*shole, no matter what someone else does, that is not a reason to forget about manners. As a woman that has been in a 6 years relationship, 3 years dating and is now in happy relation from over 1.5 years I spent pretty much time IRL, some days I would even like to take a break from it all. 😂
      The article was not blaming anyone, we are all bitches at a certain point in life, I was trying to prove a point from my own experience about a specific category of men 😉


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