When it comes to dating I made a lot of mistakes but one that I will never repeat is to date a corporate guy. I know that they came with the stability of a 9 to 5 job and usually make a pretty decent income, but I for me they just won’t do anymore.
When I got my first job in a corporation I started to fall for my co-workers. Back then I was in a very unhappy relationship, so the perspective of a new guy was extremely tempting. 3 and a half years, after 3 very unfortunate “affairs” I was already avoiding going to the kitchen due to one of my exes and the 4th flour was prohibited due to another. 5 years later, a different city and a new corporation I made up a list of why I will never settle for a corporate guy.
1. The “politically correct” shit
In all the corporations that I’ve been, there is a strong culture of training people to act/ talk/think/argue in a politically correct way. I am a choleric type of person and when I see a man losing his temper but keeping his smile and giving you the nice response is just making me want to puke. I could translate this into being a fake b*tch and a man with this behavior is just a huge turnoff for me. Please take note that the higher his position is in the hierarchy the more visible that behavior is.
2. The gossiping aka “the castration” of a man
When it comes to gossiping, men are way worse than women. They are mean, judgemental and have an eye for details. If you ever saw man gossiping then you know what I am talking about.
In the office there isn’t much entertainment, so what the others are doing / wearing/dating becomes a common subject. Not only that you have to deal with the bored women from the office, but you are also now getting “evaluated” by your male colleagues. If this is somehow accepted for teenage girls, but for a grown-up man (most likely in his 30is) it is just sickening. I see them in packs in the kitchen talking about the size of the secretary ass, or the fact that Miss S. lost or gained weight, the way M.’s hair is looking today or even the fact that T’s outfit is so old-fashioned. And yes, even the sweet or dork-is IT guy has an opinion about stuff like that.
3. The “temperature” drama
The most common drama from the office is the TEMPERATURE. You would think that adults can find a way to work with a simple thing as this, especially during summer, but no. It is a fact that women have a lower body temperature (that is the reason you like to cuddle in his warm arms) and this you will think is the reason for the arguments, once again WRONG. The reason for the arguments is that some men are more sensitive than others when it comes to VENTILATION.
In the 5 years that I am celebrating this year of working in a company with more than 100 employees, I have seen some interesting complaints due to this issue. I got to see Mr. “I am in the heat season” argue with the Mr. “You should only touch me with a feather” and trust me is not that entertaining. Adult men, arguing like kids for something that can be fixed so easily (dress according to the temperature, use more layers, set the AC at a fixed value, set the ventilation to the minimum).
To this first world problem, we can also add the “sandwich thief”, the dirty sink or toilet, the food that is forgotten in the fridge until it comes to life, etc.
4. The team building
Once a year the company takes its employees on the most expected event: the team building. 2 days of drinking and hitting on basically anyone that is willing to go to bed with you. It is during those 2 days that you understand how some of the people got their job or raise. You understand why the secretary can be a bitch to you without anyone firing her, or why do so many kids get born in spring.
Apart from the big mating game, there is something way more disturbing. It is the perfect time to see the people who just love to kiss some ass, maybe that can get them a better job. So you get to see the pretty decent man that you actually enjoy working with, doing shots with the big boss and trying to look good.
5. The innocent flirting
When you stay 8 or more hours a day in the same space with the same people it is due to happen. Even if you are in a happy relationship you still get that warm feeling when the cute new guy talks to you or when the sexy boss looks you in the eye. It is up to you whether you take this to a higher level or not.
For the man in the office, there is something more to this, it is their reputation at stake so they want to be the alpha man and flirt with any woman that can give them the attention they are craving for. The innocent flirting turns into a competition where the best man will win. Of course, it is useless if none sees it, so the flirting is far from discrete or private. Most of the “alpha” man are married, probably with kids and somehow this is making them even more susceptible to this type of behavior.
6. The smart in a stupid way
I am working in an IT firm so I could say that my colleagues are definitely ranged as intelligent. But when it comes to dating I could probably say that they are the definition of “smart in a stupid way”. The behavior that annoys me the most is when he is only talking and being nice to you in private or outside the company, during the working hours he is pretty much running from you. He is hardly saying hello in the morning or talking to you when he is with his “squad”.
7. The car
Having an ordinary job, makes the man try to stand up from the crowd with at least one thing: THE CAR, his baby, his precious. For my colleagues, the goal is to have one of the following brands: BMW, Audi or Mercedes or, of course, anything that is above these brands. If you are driving anything under these, you are not hanging with the cool kids.
They meet and talk about why is their car the best, and if they have the same brand, then the subject is why a model better than another. Competition is extremely fierce so being a woman you don’t get to have an opinion. So what if you have a car, yours is just a toy, maybe you have the brand new model, still doesn’t matter because it is not like you know how to drive it.
Apart from being cut from the car talk, there is your position in the hierarchy of his life. For some man, you will always be less than his precious. Shania Twain said in “That don’t impress me much”: “You’re one of those guys who likes to shine his machine /You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in” and I cannot agree with her more.
8. The drinking night
Most of the people (redundant of the sex) have a drinking night, as we get older we get to be classier: start drinking quality wine, expensive cocktails and we tend to leave behind the old cheap places and trade them with nice ones, maybe a fancy restaurant or a cute pub. But there are always the corporate guys that meet after work for a drinking night. They go to that cheap bar where they still serve draft beer and drink until they are falling asleep on the counter. You can easily identify them by looking at the loud group that is making rude jokes. Even the boss sometimes joins because he likes to see that his team is getting on well, but usually, he is staying for a single beer and comes when the others are already wasted so that he can get them to talk.
9. The gym
Here I am not talking about having a healthy way of life and working out in order to keep yourself in shape. No, here I am talking about the guy that was either fat in the past and now he managed to lose weight or the guy that is constantly struggling with a weight problem. So you will ask yourself, what is my problem with them? Well, it is not the fact that they are going to the gym, it is the fact that he’s telling you that you need to go too, that you should eat less, or that you will get fat if you continue eating “that” (chocolate, your meal etc.).
If there is something that can get me mad in a second, then that is definitely when a man is telling me how should I live my life. I can understand ones struggle with weight, but you shouldn’t say shit like that to my face during lunch or even worst during a date.
10. The midlife crisis
I believe we are affected by aging. It is hard to see our parents age, our lives change, and wrinkles appear, but that is all part of human life. Our experiences are carved on our bodies and there is nothing wrong with that, every part of life comes with its ups and downs.
I cannot say why the midlife crisis is affecting more the corporate guys, but this is a known fact. You can spot the troubled one by looking at the guy that bought at the Christmas party the girl half his age, dressed as a hooker and is bragging about the oral that she has just given him (wtf man!). Or the guy that purchased the red second-hand convertible and, of course, now brag’s about how many women he now dates. The guy that just left his family to travel the world, the one that is always cheating on his wife/girlfriend.
Of course, not all corporate guys are that bad, nor do all the above characteristics can be found merged in a single guy. I learned the hard way that you should not shit where you eat and definitely I want to save myself from the drama of dating a “troubled” corporate guy.