Rage, denial, suffering, that is all part of a relationship. You need to be by the side of the one you loved on in his darkest time and (also) be supportive, even when you feel like raging yourself. Losing someone, losing a job or even a company, living on one’s salary, dealing with the money problem, this can all be accepted, but dealing with one’s emotions it’s a whole different story.
I can be supportive and understand anything, as long as it is spoken, but when there is nothing said, that’s just killing me softly. I have been through hell when I lost a parent, I can walk with anyone through there, but I first want to know if they are looking for company. The unknown enemy is the hardest one to face, but when you manage to break through, and finally put a face to it, you can create a strategy.
Over the last few weeks, I came across some walls that are difficult to pass. When it comes to communication humans are very different. At the first glance, you would say that it is divided between sexes, but it’s not. One might like to talk about what is happening to him/her (especially if him/her is extroverted), others will prefer to make peace with his thoughts on his own (introverted behavior). Having the idea that you are being left out of what is happening to your significant other is more damaging than it looks at the first glance.
I am extroverted and for me, sharing everything with my partner is extremely important. As you could have already guessed my boyfriend is a bit of the opposite, so there goes the problem. I am trying to educate myself to learn how to be supportive in a way that is completely different from my own. We react to others in the way we would like them to react when it comes to us, but we are not the made of the same material. The way I would like him to react when it comes to me drives him crazy and almost always results in an even bigger argument. When someone needs our help, the best way to support him/her is to observe and to ask what is the manner he/she would like to be helped. And this can be applied to any type of relation, from coworker to parents or friends.
Often the best support is just being there, no words, no action, just presence. The shell will break, but not when it is pushed from the outside, but when the pressure comes from the inside. The walls are only getting thicker if you apply force to them.
The saying “treat others the way you would like to be treated” is not as correct as most of us think. Emotional intelligence is a relatively new field that brings to light a whole different view of the human emotions. So take a deep breath, make a step towards the other, but wait for him to make the next move.